Yes, that’s right May 16th is officially National Sea Monkey Day. Although this has nothing to do with shoes or fashion, I thought it was just too stupid a national day for me to not blog about. You can read all about this wonderful day on the seamonkeyworship.com page
I, in fact, spent some time on the investigating the magical world of sea monkies. I had some serious questions I had been needing to be answered since I was a child, like,
“why are they called sea monkies?”
“why the hell did my parents get me this again? I said I wanted a pony.”
“You really spent 13 bucks on this? You could have gotten like 13 goldfish instead. What were you thinking?”
“WTF are sea monkeys?”
“Why don’t they die in that package?”
I found answers I’ve been wanting to know for more than a decade of confusion.
So, sea monkeys area variety of Artemia which are crustaceans such as Brine Shrimp or Seed Shrimps. Their correct latin name is Artemia nyos (“after the New York Ocean Science Laboratories where the hybrid Sea-Monkeys were developed. They do not die in that little packet you get them in because, according to the official sea monkey handbook they are,
“A true MIRACLE of nature, Sea-Monkeys actually exist in SUSPENDED ANIMATION! While inside their tiny eggs – yet unborn, they burn the “spark of life” for many YEARS! The Instant-Life cyrstals in which the eggs are enclosed, preserve their viability and help to extend still further – their unhatched life span!…The name scientists have given this amazing rare process is “cryptobiosis” which means “hidden life”
Kind of strange that the sea monkeys have hair on their chests, yet mysteriously it looks like that baby sea monkey is covering up its mom’s twins, I’m not sure if she’s got the chest hair too or she’s got sea monkey mom boobs. If anyone figures in out, please let me know- it’s important I will not be able to sleep until I know. Also, its funny how they found ways to cover up the male genitalia as well…oh sea monkeys so brilliant yet such bull shit, nevertheless, not as bad as the pet rock.
On the flip side, the inventor of the Pet Rock did sell over 5 million pet rocks at almost 4 bucks a pop, profiting $3 on every rock he sold, so he became a millionaire…
He even looks like the kind of guy that would invent a “pet rock” …
( I specifically made sure I posted this blog on a Saturday so that no one sitting in their dead end job in a cubicle would read this and try to hurt themselves, but for those that had to go into work on a Saturday that are reading this, I’m sorry, I know life’s ridiculous sometimes, I’m here for you.)
What consumers will buy, you just never know really
Alright, enough sea monkey business. I apologize. I promise I’ll blog about something truly important next time, like how to use your high heels as a weapon that would even intimidate Jackie Chan. Yes. That’s comming soon.
Tall Short Girl